the generation of lost love

as beautiful and wonderful
   as we all know it is...
   ...sometimes,
love is really quite confusing.
my sister quoted her friend
   who said,
     "we are the generation of lost love"...
and i'd have to agree with this.
so many people
   seem confused by it...
in and out
   of relationships
     all the time...
my parents generation too,
   same thing...
so we didn't get the best role models.
...as for myself,
as soon as i think
   that i understand something about love...
     i get confused again.
is it really so simple?
   then,
why is it so hard to find?
...they say,
   "love is everywhere."
that's a nice, abstract thought...
   but i can't really feel it.
not gonna lie.
i mean,
   i've had feelings of universal love before...
     but it doesn't last.
...so when you do find love...
   why is it so elusive?
how can you like someone
   so much...
but within a matter of different circumstances,
   no longer have the same feelings?
...what about crushes...
when you like someone so much
   that you get obsessed with them...?
is this love?
   i think it's something else...
and it can blind you.
   badly.
...what about unrequited love?
how is it that one person
   can be so into someone else...
but the feeling is not returned?
can you explain this phenomenon?
   really...
     think about it.
Person A is seeking something
   that Person B embodies...
     but not vice versa...
       maybe?
why does love seem so unjust sometimes?
   or is it always just?
     tough world, huh?
...how about family?
what about the confounding
   inexplicable
     incredibly complex concept
       of parental love?
whoa...
   (let's not get started.)
how about siblings
   who can be so close,
only to turn their backs
   on each other,
and then later
   forgive each other again?
how about friendship...
the fleeting
   fluid
     morphing nature of it?
...how about marriage
and then divorce?
how about marriage
   and dissatisfaction?
...how about relationships
   and abuse?
what about when you get so angry
   and hurt someone
and then apologize
   and say,
     "i love you"...
     "i didnt mean it..."
     "please forgive me..."
and then
   when they piss you off
      you get angry
         all over again.
...what about that feeling
of *knowing* someone
   deeply...
only later to realize
   you really don't?
...people change...
feelings change...
   i guess that's the only thing
      you can count on.
but can such radical emotional changes
   be explained?
if people were that honest
   with each other...
     it would probably hurt a lot.
so many questions...
...you know,
there are big mysteries
   in the world.
i mean
   really big,
     cosmic mysteries...
like,
why am i here?
   what's my purpose?
      what's the meaning of life?
and
   another good one is...
     does true love exist?
but...
...wanna know my biggest mystery?
why
   why...
    ...why...
did he fall out of love
   with me?
or...
   was he even in love with me
     to begin with?
and...
   was i actually in love
      with him?
i wonder if i'll ever understand it...
...but
   i'm sure
   i'm not alone
   in my confusion.

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